self

there are times whereby i really consider being back to my old self...
in the past although im always the transparent and the shadows of others but at least wadever i did was being recognised...
in the past at least i felt that i wasnt ignored when ever i said something...
in the past when ppl 'see' me at least they will ask how am i doing n see me as a happy person which i really was all they said was i had to express myself more...
but now...yes i did tried to express more of myself, tried to b happy ( but obviously not), still am transparent and always being the shadow,tried and still trying to improve myself always but it seems that its never enuf, things that i did, to others now it was jus things that was expected of me to do, had more frens but in actual fact are they truely my frens?
getting sick of being called this and that, tried to change my behavior but things still continued being the same...
intially tried reaching out to ppl ard me trying to 'shout' for help but those who i told didnt nt understand how i felt or jus put wadever i said to one side...eventually i jus told myself forget it jus keep everything to urself...
seeing others being constantly praised of this and that which im proud n happy for them but at the back of my mind the thought of "when isitz gonna b my turn?" always appears.

its true that this whole post all i've said is about myself n sound that im being very selfish...
but than again am i...